[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Wednesday, March 7th, 2007|
|I'm just fucking stressed
I'm just fucking stressed and my husband won't tolerate it. It's not fair. I am allowed to be stressed out. Let me. Let me vent. Don't solve my fucking problems because your nonchalant attitude is one of them.
I have been stressed over so many things. Let's list them, shall we.
1.) We are buying a million $ house (with another couple) in Key West that will make us THE poorest rich people in the universe. That alone should give me a heart attack.
2.) Danielle. That is all I have to say about that. I am pulling her off my proverbial booby, and it stresses me out.
3.) Ticks. I hate them. They run my life. THey are disgusting and vial and they have more control over my household than I do.
4.) Puddin'. Puddin' is the field mouse that has decided to take up residence in our house and ruin my former fabulous nights sleep. He has been living rent free for about 2 months now and he really grosses me out but I cannot justify killing him just because he ate my flip-flop, he poops and most importantly his tale is just flat out fowl.
5.) Mike is unhappy with his job and tries daily to sabotage it. I know how it feels to hate your job, so I am very sympathetic.. Plus, we are buying a house people, now is not the time to switch jobs. Gaahhh.
6.) My little sister hates me now. She wouldn't listen to me so I told her if she continued to not listen to me I wouldn't want to hang out with her anymore. I told this to a girl whose mom left her. GREAT. Good going. I fucking suck. Guilt is the worst. I made amends and we are fine, but I am still stressed about the long-term effects of my actions. Fuck. I try to do something nice and end up doing something horrible.
7.) As of the 15th I will be homeless. Which will take away stress points numero tres y cuatro (the ticks and Puddin') But will mean I don't have any place to call me own. We are set to close on the 14th but in the contract the seller has 7 days before we can even touch the house. That leaves us to the 21st. On the 23rd I have to go to Hershey, Penn for 4 days. So we will have 1 day to clean and move in. 1 day, people. 1 more day that I have to take off of work. Ughh, don't even get me started on work...
8.) Mike wants to buy this business that is for sale and quit his job. It is a cute little Italian Deli that makes the best sandwiches in the world, but still. Who wants to sling sandwiches? Not I. It is a pretty sound business deal, however. Just too much right now with the house and all.
9.) Natalie. I need to just pick up the damn phone, but the guilt overrides rational thought. I miss her. I want to see how she is. I just feel sooo bad that I haven't called in a long time, that it keeps me from calling. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I know this. This is on my list to conquer today.
Okay. I think I am under control now. Wow, that felt amazing. Thanks for letting me vent. Now I have a list and it is not just swirling in my head threatening my stomach to abandon my lunch. Aaahhh. I can do this. It is just like 2 weeks of craziness, that is not sooo bad.
Any suggestions on my above predicaments?
|Friday, January 12th, 2007|
Good, bad or indifferent: I have figured out something new about myself.
I love training new people. I am in orientation for the next two weeks and I am beside myself happy. I actually (I cannot believe I am saying this) kinda miss Target because I got to do orientation so often. This week I finally figured out why I love it so much and why I probably should be a teacher - when you are learning something new you are in your most honest, vulnerable state. We have to be. We have to be open and receptive. It is like seeing someone as they were when they were a child. It is so fun. Everyone gets these cute individual looks of puzzlement and excitement. I guess it is just such a contrast of what we normally see: calloused, rough, hidden adults who do things out of anger or resentment from something that happened in their past. When you are teaching adults it is a clean slate, there is no room for that.
|Tuesday, December 12th, 2006|
This weekend I went up to see Paulette in St. A. It was AWESOME. Might I recommend to everyone taking time out of your very busy and stressful life to enjoy a weekend with your very bestest friend without any distractions i.e. - pesky husbands. We saw J.J., my main squeeze, from Mofro. We walked around (hugging the wall)the tippy top of the lighthouse. We took pictures with a grown man dressed in a battle uniform after he shot off a canon from the Fort. We made chicken philly's and guac. We met a male hairstylist turned tattoo artist who nicknamed us "Yum Yum and her friend Yum Yum". We laughed. We hung out. It was nice.
|Wednesday, October 18th, 2006|
Today was supposed to be a happy day. Today was the day we were to pick up the shiny new (crusty old to the former owner)boat and motor. Today was a good day. When I got there with my friend Dwayne to drive it over to the dock, it was sold. Sold. Ugghh, Fucking Sold. What do you mean sold? "my wife sold it to her son". "Well I will give you cash right now, like we talked about over the phone." "She'll kill me; I'm losing money by selling it to him." "I will give you MORE money." "No. 3 hours too late." Tears. "I am so heartbroken, my boat was stolen, then found, then almost sunk, then the motor was gone and all I want is your boat and motor and I will give you whatever you want." "No. She'll kill me." "Well, I can kill you for her?" "Ha. You're cute. No."
I was about to take out the big guns (my boobies). I stopped myself. It's not worth it. I turned away and tottered off, crying. Dwayne, in a man's effort to get a girl to stop crying effective IMMEDIATELY, bought me a beer (at 2 in the afternoon on my lunch break) and we sat and watched the fish off the marina dock. We laid on our bellies like kids and watched silently. Then something magical appeared: a fluorescent blue octopus. I have never seen one. It was my pleasure. So beautiful. Dwayne, being a dive master, narrated the whole scene: the octopus was hunting the baby lobster who was hiding by the skid fish who was waiting for the baby barracuda's leftover minnow brunch. Nature = Magic = Dried Tears.
I have let go of the entire situation, with one hope and one hope only: The Mother Fuckers who did this to me are actually just trying to get quick money so that their daughter, who has cancer, will be spared and live a long and prosperous life as a cancer survivor counselor. Because that is completely worth it. Makes me feel like I did something good rather than had something bad happen. Current Mood: cynical
|Tuesday, October 17th, 2006|
So 2 sets of rented scuba gear, 3 people out of work and a rented boat later we found our boat. It didn't sink. Someone stole it, ripped the engine off and tried to sink it.
I just don't get it. Where organized religion failed me, I thought Karma (as a belief system) would prevail. Well it hasn't. I spend my life believing (because everyone has to believe in something) that if I live my life ALWAYS doing the right thing, ALWAYS obeying the rules, ALWAYS putting people's needs before mine, that I would win. Nothing bad would happen to me. I pick up trash on sidewalks. I give left-overs to the homeless. I smile all the time. So damn foolish.
On a lighter note the situation, while still $5,500 in the hole, seems to have a couple of light-hearted ironies:
A nice man named Raymond saw our poor sinking ship and saved it by towing it to his marina and bailing it out. As it turns out, he knew our pride and joy from the previous owner Nick. Nick had taken it there to see why the engine revved too high of RPM's. Not a serious illness, but something he/we wanted to know. Nick told us nothing was wrong with it. Raymond told Mike yesterday that Nick had stiffed him so he never told him what was wrong with the motor: a $20 part. We could have fixed our engine trouble for $20!!
While at the same marina with Raymond, a man came up and told Raymond (his friend) that he was sick and tired of owning "this fucking boat" and said he didn't want it anymore and tossed the keys to Raymond. Turns out it is a little bigger haul and a higher-powered engine. Mike talked with the guy and found out he is only here seasonally and doesn't want to pay for the marina anymore. He heard of our horrible situation and said for $1500 it was ours. It includes a GPS and a depth/fish finder. So we are considering it.
So a terrible situation, while still bad, isn't cry-worthy I suppose! Current Mood: amused
|Monday, October 16th, 2006|
|It could be worse...
When really, really bad things happen my natural instinct is to cry, get extremely nauseous and let it ruin my whole day, week, sometimes longer. One of my husband's most amazing traits, and something he has taught me, is to say to myself "there is nothing I can do about it now" and take a deep breathe and let it go. With that said...
Just this morning I was riding to work in my Jeep. The air tempature is perfect, no humidty, sun is out shining and I am in a vehicle with no windows and no doors. So perfect. I was thinking to myself how lucky I am. I have everything I have ever wanted, and more. When I was little all I wanted was a Jeep and a boat. I have both those possessions. I must be the luckiest in the world...
THEN I get to work and shortly after Mike comes in and asks if I want to hear bad news or if I don't want to know about anything. Well, I was feeling adventurous and didn't think it was really anything bad, so I said "bring it on".
It sank. The boat sank. 30 feet down. We had 24 hours. Now we only have 4. We need scuba gear. We need flotation devices. We need muscles. I neeed deep breaths and positive thoughts.
BUT it could be worse.
Wish me luck!! Current Mood: anxious
|Tuesday, October 10th, 2006|
|End in Sight
Ahhh, today I breathe a sigh of relief. I finally have an end in sight to my roommate madness! Hooray! I bit the bullet and asked Jim when he was getting a place and he said...wait for it, wait for it - "NEVER." And I said "so you are moving home then? I'm confused." So then he said that it is too expensive to get a place down here and he hates it anyway, so if he can't live in the loft, he will leave after Christmas. And I said "CHRISTMAS?" and he said "Thanksgiving". And now I say HOORAY! (If you couldn't already tell, I have an affinity for telling stories in the she said he said manner).
So anyway, that is a HUMONGO problem lifted off my shoulder. It feels delightful. It is still a ways away, and it means I won't be able to put my Halloween decorations out but I am okay with that. I am really sad about the decorations though, I have really cute fun ones. There is just way too much stuff everywhere and Jim's belongings blocking the decorations.
I will write later about my dreamy Gainesville reunion later. For now, I have to take deep breaths and calm myself down after all of this excitement. Current Mood: accomplished
|Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006|
Ok, so this post is going to be kind of gross. But this is something I need to verbalize and saying it out loud is not really an option because it would make for very awkward conversation for all parties involved.
For my birthday my mom got me herbal organ detoxify-er and bowel cleanser. A two part system I accepted, with a little hesitation, as any child of a hippy should. I finally broke down and started taking the pills. I fell in love. I have never been SO revitalized. But every love story has a tragic ending, and ours has come to an unfortunate end. But here is the sick part: I couldn't bare to take the last couple doses in fear that the feeling would leave me, which it has, and now I am hording the last doses for special occasions like some crazed addict.
Really, it is all I think about. I have looked on line to see if I can buy it again, but I can't. I am too afraid to ask my mom for more in fear that she will say I am not allowed to have more for another year. I need it. It helps me get through the day.
What to do, what to do. Current Mood: contemplative
|Monday, October 2nd, 2006|
|Let go of a Legacy?
This weekend I went to Emily's bachelorette party in Ft. Lauderdale. It is with a heavy heart that I report the sad news of a grave loss - my cell phone key pad. I know you all are wondering what that is because you have all flew past my cell phone model on the technological whirlpool; it is a vital piece of your phone that allows you to dial and on my partical dinosaur model it happens to be its own seperate entity of valuableness. So now I have a bobby pin that I hook to the phone which I use like a palm pilot of sorts.
No, I won't get rid of my phone. It is a part of history I am just not willing to let go of. We have been together from the very start as freshmen in college. We love each other and have never let one another down. I hear horror stories about phones that just don't hold up. I myself have drop kicked my phone numerous times, dropped it in water, toilets, oceans and the latest, paper mache without ever thinking she might betray me. So giving up now is just not an option I am willing to accept.
Enough of my phone troubles. This weekend was refreshing hanging out with girls. Here, I don't have many girl friends so I am caught being "one of the guys", which has its perks, but it is nice to dance around while getting ready, borrow makeup and clothes and go out with a group of girls every once in a while.
|Tuesday, September 26th, 2006|
In an attempt to feel more connected to everyone I have made a deal with myself. Instead of stalking my friends on livejournal, I to, will participate.
So, here goes nothing. I feel a little embarrassed and shy. Maybe it takes a few tries. I just feel like I am so far from everyone and everything. My daily activities don't seem in line with everyone else and that makes me feel weird. I'm sure we all endure the same b.s.: wake-up, work, make dinner, eat, do dishes, lay on the couch, fall asleep. Except my daily routine consists of having 3 other people in on these rituals. I have 2 roommates which makes it virtually impossible to act like a newly-wed. Kind of disheartening. Why do I insist on being Mother Theresa meets Satan. I do all of these nice things and then turn in to a frustrated crazy-person in turn. I am mad that I have 2 people living with me, but I am the one that told them that they could stay until they found a place...hmmm.
This is just mindless babble. Maybe soon I can make it more concentrated on one topic. We shall see. Buckle your seat belts because this is going to be something. Hopefully therapeutic on my side. Current Mood: anxious
|Wednesday, August 31st, 2005|
|Monday, August 29th, 2005|
Once upon a time there was a house full of yuppies who took things for granted. Then, lobster-daddy sought out the perfect way to teach them not to take things for granted. From deep within the lofty clouds he rained upon them and with mighty lobster-daddy-force winds, he took their power away. With the house dark and scary, they partied...thinking "all in good fun". This maddened lobster-daddy. He then turned back on the electricity and just when the kids were nice and comfy in the air-conditioning and light, he took it away. For 2 days this went on. It was not until the 2nd night that the kids finally learned the lesson: electricity is a gift from lobster-daddy (and the hard-working men and women of Keys Electric) that should not be taken for granted.
The lights finally returned for good on the morn' of the third day and all rejoiced - for it was a festivus miracle.
I had so much fun - it was my pleasure. Thank you guys for coming down, it was so good to see you! I love you.
Told ya lobster hunting would be fun...Thanks to Jollie's (and Marti's shamelessness)
|Wednesday, August 24th, 2005|
|Dull Office Supplies Death
If I do not get out of this terrible, torturous desk job I will stab my eyes out with unsharpened pencils and then slit my throat with a manilla envelope: paper cut style. I can't take this. Give me someone to fire or hire, I don't care which one really. 12 days and counting. God Speed.
|blah blah blah
So, rejoining the devil again in the corporate world. Turns out I like eating too much to work and not get paid. Call me a sell out, call me a fat ass. Call me anything baby, as long as you call me. haha. I know, Im a nerd. I like it. I am really excited about this weekend, if dumb Katrina doesn't ruin the weather. It will be really nice to have some friends here. I miss everyone so much. It is a lot of fun here, but a little too far away to see people regularly.